Rutinski ultrazvuk se pretvorio u noćnu moru svake majke kada je Katelyn James saznala da njezino dijete ima niske šanse za preživljavanjem. Sada Katelyn James dijeli vjeru unatoč svojoj patnji te inspirira mnoge.
„Pročitajte prije nego komentirate“, napisala je fotografkinja Katelyn James u svojoj objavi na instagramu kada je prvi put podijelila svoju tragediju – najgoru noćnu moru svake majke.
Dok je na pregledu mobitelom slikala fotografiju sonograma svog malenog dječačića, nije imala pojma da će uskoro kroz vrata ući osoba koja joj je donijela užasne vijesti. Zaista je inspirirajuće vidjeti ju kako dijeli i širi vjeru unatoč svojoj patnji.
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READ BEFORE COMMENTING : There is no easy way to share this. This picture and video were taken at our 20 week ultrasound. We were trying to entertain our almost one year old while the tech was gone for an abnormal amount of time. I’m thankful we took these because just minutes after these were taken, a doctor walked in and shared some of the worst news that expecting parents could ever hear and our life will never be the same. “We’re starting tough this morning. Your baby is very sick.” We serve a big God who has already done many miracles in our life and I know that He can save our baby BOY if He chooses to. Right now, the medical world and the doctors and all of the many abnormalities found in the ultrasound don’t point to our baby boy surviving…. and surprisingly, despite our heavy hearts and puffy eyes and overused tear glands, we have a peace about that…. because we aren’t in control. God made this baby and God has a plan for his life…. whether or not we get to meet him. God may shock everyone and we may have the privilege of raising this baby boy…. but right now we are in an incredibly hard place. For the last 5 days we have been struggling to find hope and joy with our new reality. We love this baby and we are praying for a miracle for this baby even though the odds are very much against us. So why share this to 70k+ people on the internet? Because we believe in the power of prayer. We’re asking for prayers for 1. Michael and I…. that we can learn to live in this new reality without being fearful that today is the day we are going to lose him…. and that we can still find joy in however long we have with him. 2. That God will heal our baby boy or take his suffering away. 3. That the story and the testimony of this baby’s life will bring glory to the kingdom… because there is nothing more redemptive than that. And 4. That the testing that we’re having done tomorrow will give us some answers and somehow put our minds more at ease. I don’t understand this…. but I do know that God doesn’t waste our pain. He’s writing a hard chapter of our story but we trust Him in the pain. One day at a time. #jamesmichaelalsop
Ultrazvuk je pošao po krivu
Katelyn i njezin suprug Michael su otišli na rutinski pregled kada su primijetili da je liječnik bio odsutan malo predugo. Tada je liječnik ušao u prostoriju i „doslovno slomio mnoštvo naših snova.“ Riječi koje Katelyin i danas pate su: „Zabrinut sam, vaše je dijete jako bolesno.“
Šokirani roditelji su saznali da je maleno tijelo bebe Jamesa Michaela imalo jako puno komplikacija.
„Nešto je bilo jako loše. I to nije bila samo jedna stvar“, prisjeća se Katelyn.
U njegovom se tijelo nakupilo toliko tekućine da je nekoliko njegovih organa bilo potpuno oštećeno te je pritisak na njegovo srce sve više rastao. Katelyn je objasnila: „Višak tekućine u tijelu je samo jedna od stvari koje pate mog dječaka, a pozadina svega je činjenica da ima downov sindrom. Njegova pluća nikada nisu dobila priliku da se potpuno formiraju, a njegovo srce je pod pritiskom od 20.-og tjedna nakon začeća.“
Katelyn i Michael su prošli sve osjećaje koje biste očekivali u tim trenutcima. Bilo je tu mnogo suza – more suza. No dok bi mnogi bili ljudi i sumnjali u svoju vjeru ili bi se preispitivali zašto se tako nešto moralo dogoditi, Katelyn je pokazala pravu snagu te je smatrala da je njezin dječak tako stvoren od Boga s razlogom.
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We’ve named him James Michael Alsop after his Daddy, his Paw (Michael’s dad’s name is James Michael and he’s a fighter who managed to beat advanced cancer) and our best friend Buddy (whose first name is James). We don’t have good news to share. Little James has declined rapidly in just six days. Everything that was wrong is now much worse and we have new issues that have surfaced. Our time with him is slipping away faster than we thought and sooner than the doctors thought. We found out that James has Down syndrome but that is the least of our concerns. His complications are too many to list out here. They are severe and our sweet doctor told us yesterday that it’s a miracle that he’s still alive inside of me. Michael’s most-used phrase when I’m somewhat inconsolable is that “We’re going to love him while we have him”. I’m realizing that this is something we will never “move on” from. It’s going to be a part of us for the rest of our lives. We have a baby boy that will probably go straight to heaven and never experience the pain of this world and I’m so thankful for that. I don’t want him to suffer… and right now he’s alive and comfortable inside of me and so we’re going to celebrate each day that he still has a heartbeat. The “three” of us are heading to NYC today. Michael and I are taking James to his first broadway show. 🙂 It seems like an hour by hour decision for me to not shut down mentally but instead choose to live and love this baby each moment I get to be his mom here on earth. Some of you are not going to understand how we can still say that our God is a good God while we wait to lose our baby…. but our prayer is that through this baby boy’s life and his story, you will come to understand where our hope and peace comes from in the midst of the most tragic season of our lives so far. I don’t type these words lightly. It’s painful. But we have hope because of the promise of heaven and that God gives every life a purpose… even our sweet little James. Thank you @jillypowers for taking maternity portraits for us. I didn’t feel like doing these but I can’t explain how thankful I am to have them right now. ❤️ #jamesmichaelalsop
Katelyn je podijelila priču o svojoj vjeri
U pismu svom nerođenom sinu, Jamesu Michaelu, napisala je: „To nisi samo nasumična kromosomska abnormalnost sa dodatnim komplikacijama… iako će tako pisati u liječničkom izvješću. To nisi nesretna trudnoća koju ćemo pokušati zaboraviti. Ti nisi onaj dio našeg života o kojem nećemo htjeti razgovarati i koji ćemo skrivati od naše druge djece. Ti nisi priča koju nikada nećemo ispričati. Tvoj život ima svrhu. Znam to jer si bio naše iznenađenje… Svemogući Bog je onaj koji je odlučio da ti trebaš postojati unutar mene.
Moj dragi dječače, ti si čudo.“
Katelyn je objasnila: „Ti si dao da se tvoja mama osloni na Isusa više nego ikada prije.
Ti si učinio da se potpuni stranci počnu pitati u kakvom su odnosu s Bogom i što vjeruju o vječnosti.
Učinio si da se okupe tisuće i tisuće ljudi te da se obrate Bogu kako bi nam pomogao.
Dao si mi novu perspektivu na majčinstvo i na ljubav.
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We were told we had weeks & have been given months. Sometimes I wonder if this would have been easier if we had gone into our 20wk appnt & he hadn’t had a heartbeat. The intense pain would have been instant instead of so drawn out but if that had been our story, he would have died w/o a name. We had been so preoccupied up until that point. Sometimes it was easy to forget I was even pregnant since we were chasing Evy around. Everything about our life changed that week. James became more than a 2nd pregnancy, he became a part of our family. His name is now spoken everyday in our home, in our prayers, & in my journal. Evy points to my belly & says “BABBYYY” which is both so sweet & also heartbreaking bc she will keep doing that once I’m not pregnant anymore. However, the videos we have of her loving her brother will mean so much to her one day. We’ve realized that there are two ways to look at our situation. We can either be angry that our baby’s prognosis is leading to no life outside of me or we can realize that this baby has been given SO MUCH LIFE. The beginning of our baby’s life started back in Oct. At the cellular level, God set him apart. His life & loving him looks nothing like we imagined but it has taught us so much about how the father loves us. Some days when I’m the most emotionally & physically weary, I think “what is in this for me?!” I don’t get baby snuggles or the joy of nursing or all of the beautiful seasons that come w/ a new child. All I have is pain. My hips hurt, my body is struggling to carry a baby who is already measuring full term at almost 31 weeks, my eyes are constantly puffy from the tears…. & yet in the midst of being in that pit, the Lord pulls me out & reminds me of the kind of love He has for us. What does He get from us? What’s in it for Him? His love is completely unconditional & It’s the most beautiful kind of love. I will never fully understand how to love like that but loving this sweet baby inside of me has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to simply love w/o expectations. Every day I am so thankful that I was chosen to be his momma. He’s changed me (& many others) in the most beautiful way.
Tvoj život pokazuje slomljen svijet koji Bog vodi i u kojem je sve po Njegovu planu.
Ako tvoj život ima tako duboku svrhu, a nikada nisi udahnuo ni jedan dah, kakvu onda veliku svrhu ima svaki drugi život na ovoj zemlji?“
Predaja Njegovoj volji
U svom predivnom pismu Katelyin je napisala: „Želim vjerovati da sam ja jedina osoba koja se može brinuti za tebe… da me trebaš više nego išta drugo… da te mogu utješiti i paziti na tebe. No istina je da je Tvoj Stvoritelj taj koji te sazdao u mojoj utrobi i koji je znao tvoju priču prije nego sam i saznala da te nosim u sebi. Ako nikada ne iskusiš bol ovoga svijeta… nikada ne moraš upotrijebiti svoja malena pluća ili osjetiti gravitaciju na svojoj nježnoj koži, utješit će me spoznaja da si u Isusovim rukama gdje nema boli.“
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This week we have experienced unexplainable peace & incredible sadness simultaneously. I started showing signs of pre-labor last week & carried sweet James as long as I possibly could. I delivered him on Tues & he's with his savior now. Delivering a breech baby w/o a heartbeat is one of the most devastating things I pray that I will ever have to do in my lifetime but I have never known my God is more faithful or more real than I have the last 4 days. It was peaceful despite the physical & emotional pain. Parts of it were even joyful if you can believe that. Our sweet boy was 5lbs 4oz & the first thing I remember Michael saying through tears was “Katelyn, you can see his little face.” That was my miracle. I had begged God to be able to see his face when he was born despite how unlikely that seemed from his swelling. We had been warned by our doctors that we needed to prepare ourselves for what he would look like. He was beautiful. We were able to spend over 12 hours w/ his tiny little body before having to say goodbye. I was delayed getting home from the hospital because of developing post-delivery pre-eclampsia. Just as hard as his complications were on his body, they had started to affect my body too. We’re thankful that he was delivered when he was or else we would have been in an emergency situation that would have been traumatic. Looking back on this week, I don’t understand how we did it. Michael & I have walked through the unimaginable together & I’ve never loved him more. I think we’re realizing that tragedy can either tear every part of your life apart or you can decide to let it transform you. Nothing changes the pain, but choosing to trust God with our brokenness instead of running from Him is the only way we have survived this & still have hope. We miss our baby… but we’re slowly rebuilding our new life as parents with a child in heaven. For those that may think that God didnt give us a miracle, you’re wrong. Surviving this is a miracle. Being able to hold our son & feel joy even though he wasn’t breathing is a miracle. The fact that he lived longer than anyone expected is a miracle. And knowing we will see him again is the greatest miracle of all.
Beba James je rođena bez otkucaja srca. Iako je Katelyn neopisivo tužna zbog gubitka sina, njezina nevjerojatno snažna vjera ne posustaje. Podijelila je na Instagramu: „Ništa ne može promijeniti bol, ali jedini način na koji se ovo može preživjeti i imati nade jest vjerovati Bogu i predati mu tugu i slomljenost koju osjećamo. Nedostaje nam naša beba… no polako gradimo svoj život kao roditelji čije je dijete u raju.“
Nastavila je: „Za one koji možda misle da nam Bog nije dao čudo mogu reći da ste u krivu. Preživljavanje kroz sve ovo jest čudo. Činjenica da smo mogli držati svog sina u rukama i biti radosni iako on nije živ jest čudo. Činjenica da je živio duže nego što je itko očekivao jest čudo. A najveće čudo od svih je saznanje da ćemo ga jednoga dana ponovno susresti.“
Molite se za ovu divnu obitelj.
Priča Jamesa Michaela
Katelyn i Michael su nedavno objavili predivnu snimku u kojoj otkrivaju Jamesovu priču. Iako je njegov život bio kratak, ovaj par zna da je imao posebnu svrhu.
„Znam da nam je Bog dao tog dječaka s downovim sindromom kako bismo podijelili njegovu priču. Kako bi drugi ljudi vidjeli primjer mladog para koji cijeni život djeteta i život općenito. Čak i kada se zna da beba možda neće preživjeti“, objasnila je Katelyn.
Katelyn i Michael znaju da će drugi roditelji doživjeti slične situacije. Dopuštaju Bogu da njhovoj boli podari novu svrhu.
„Mislim da će biti i drugih obitelji koje će se naći u sličnoj situaciji. Tada će čuti Jamesovu priču i pomisliti da i oni mogu to preživjeti, jer smo i mi uspjeli“, rekla je Katelyn, „Zbog Jamesovog će života dobiti nadu i bit će ohrabreni.“
Dok se prilagođavaju životu nakon tragedije, Katelyn priznaje da su ona i suprug razmišljali kako odgovoriti na pitanje: „Koliko imate djece?“. Pogledajte video kako biste više saznali o njihovoj i Jamesovoj priči.